Monday, October 27, 2014

Nerd Hair

This is a tutorial post. In case you ever want to publicize your nerdhood, this is the socially acceptable way to do it.

First, you have to pick your model. If your hair happens to be a similar shade and length as Marvel's god of thunder, then you have an easy goal. 

Second, you pick your event to display your geekness. A Sunday service would be appropriate, especially if your local congregation is almost entirely made up of people over 40 who have no clue about things like Bifrost or Khazad-dum.

Next, you spend 15 minutes the night before braiding four portions of your wet hair into small braids. You will know the braids are long enough when you experience symptoms of carpal tunnel in both arms. Leave the rest of your hair wet overnight, as this will produce waves of fabulousosity.

In the morning, you dawdle with Sunday dinner preparations long enough to have exactly 32 minutes before Sunday School starts. As your brother yells 16 times that you should be leaving, curl the rest of your hair in small sections. Tip: flash blistering your anchor thumb does not speed up this process. When finished, fluff the curled hair in the mirror and shrug your shoulders. Spray on a bunch of perfume as retaliation for your brother's yelling.

By the time you get to morning worship, you realize that four braids looks more like Thorin than Thor. Ignore any comments about "your Thor obsession" from the Captain-America-obsessed friend. Then go home and rethink your strategy in front of the mirror for 15 minutes. 

After you remember why you hate selfies, take out the top two braids, and curl those sections of hair. The hair will be fluffy, but vehemently plaster it to your head with 6 3/4 bobby pins. The side braids will flop around aimlessly, so, as you only have 10 minutes before the brother leaves for evening service WITHOUT YOU, you pin the braids over the hair.

At this point, you realize that your hair is actually much longer than Thor's, and you remember that you don't actually have bangs. So you shrug your shoulders again, and forget about the whole mess. The brother is still hollering. 

No, wait...instead of forgetting about it, you could take out the bobby pins, and gather your hair and the braids into a high ponytail, and wear it to work the next day. If you're lucky, someone will ask you what's up with the frizzy braids.

Oh. The frizzy braids aren't exactly visible. 

*Sigh* Socially acceptable nerd hair is harder than it looks.

Next week's tutorial: cosplay, by Cindy-Lou Who.

(AKA, my cousins moved to Texas and there was stuff under the bed.)


  1. I used to give myself Padawan hair when Star Wars: Episode 1 came out. One small braid on one side, everything else pulled back in a ponytail. (Not quite enough of a fan to cut all my hair off to look like ObiWan, I must admit). So anyway... I've been there.

    Also, I tagged you here. Play if you like.

    1. That sounds like completely fabulous nerd hair. I didn't love Obi enough to imitate his hair, but there were a couple of Padme hairdos I wanted to try. :-)

      And thankee much! I love to talk about celebrities. ;-) I'll try to finish that after the other tags I'm supposed to do. :)