Existential question of the day: how much makeup does it take to give your brothers a heart attack?
A less existential question is "Did Satan create liquid eyeliner?"
I've never really dressed up for Halloween before. But this year, my best homie suggested we go as nerds to our church fall party. I wasn't quite sure what a "gal nerd" costume consisted of, but then I had an idea. Why be a plain ol' nerd girl when I could be the Queen of Nerds?
AKA Penelope Garcia, FBI Technical Analyst, from Criminal Minds
We both wear glasses, we're both heavyset, and we're both blonde, so I figured why not?
So I got off work early the day before Halloween, and took myself shopping. And, girls, lemme tell you, I couldn't have put this together better if I planned it. I probably only spent $25 overall. I already had the wig, the flower, and the jewelry, and I found the rest of it at thrift stores.
getting my Emma stone on....
The makeup was hilarious, because I've never done my own. Mascara all over your nose isn't the most glamorous thing. The lashes were fairly easy. I'm our resident connoisseur of fake lashes. :D
While we're at it, I'll share a tip for wearing wigs. I don't have a bald cap, so I French braid my hair and then tuck the tail up inside the top. I secure it with Bobby pins to be sure. It's tight and there's little to no bumps to keep the wig from fitting right.
The glasses were another funny story. They were from the dollar store, so I assumed the lenses would pop out easily. Nope--took my uber-macho brothers 15 minutes, a cutting board, 2 screwdrivers, and a lot of arguing to get both lenses out.
My heels were perfect and cute and perky and totally Penelope. The dress was amazingly comfortable. The funniest part is that I found it at a thrift store, but the sweater and tights came from our local Penney's outlet, and they matched the dress perfectly!!! Hilarious, I say. The ring I had already bought on clearance at Goody's, the bracelets came from the same thrift store, and the necklace I got from a work friend.
And, of course, the most important part was the headset. My job made this super-easy. ;)
The reactions made it all worth it, though. Half my coworkers didn't recognize me, and the other half couldn't stop laughing. The gal behind me said about halfway through the day "I swear I can't even work. Every time I turn around I feel like I'm watching TV. You look just like her." I sent a pic to my best homie (who is a Criminal Minds fanatic), and she responded simply with "HOLY CRAP WOMAN."
And then I got home. The boys saw me first. Joe nearly jumped out of his skin with a "Who the heck are YOU?!" Then I told him it was Garcia, and I wish I had a picture of his face. LOL He gave me a side-eye and a "Holy...that's an uncanny resemblance." My mom...well, haha, she just looked at me for about a minute and then shook her head with a half-grin, and went, "I hope you won whatever contest you were in...." (I didn't, but, oh well. :D ) My dad was out of town, so I don't know what his face looked like. :-)
I got mixed reactions at the church party. Mostly, the old ladies kept squealing how "cute" I was. I did discover, though, that you really can't wear openwork tights in 40 degree windy weather. It was cold, y'all... Also, 4 inch heels do not agree with gravel.
And one more thing--if you soak burgundy nails in polish remover, you probably want to take a Q-tip to your nails instead. Otherwise, you come out looking more like Lady MacBeth and less like June Cleaver.
Oh, and I almost forgot. I tweeted my picture to Kirsten Vangsness, who plays Penelope, and she retweeted it. :-)
@Vangsness Getting my Garcia on today! :-) pic.twitter.com/u2RgqUxMFm
— Joanna P. (@needlesong92) October 31, 2014
As did about 200 other people. Hooray for 24 hours of anonymous Internet fame. :-)
I think next year I'll try Effie Trinket.