Tuesday, August 6, 2013

I Think Mr. Darcy Got Lost

Specifically, it looks like he got lost somewhere between mile markers 20 and 21.

No, Pemberley Estates has not moved, and no, I am not schizophrenic.

I am a little lonely, though.

I will be 21 years old in October, and I currently do not have a boyfriend. Actually, I have never had a boyfriend. And honestly, I've been good with that, until recently. See, people keep getting married.

I can name probably a dozen girls from my church's fellowship who are around my age and who have gotten married in the last two years. It is starting to really bother me. I remind myself that I'm only 20, I don't have time for a serious relationship, and I need to focus on school. I try to remember that it isn't wise to date guys just to get attention and feel loved, and that I wouldn't get serious with a guy unless he was what I was looking for in a husband.

But none of that really calms the hopeless romantic in me that starts panicking every time I hear of another wedding announcement: "Oh, dear. My life is flying past. I will NEVER get married. Where is my Mr. Darcy?" All it takes is an innocent "Oh, did you hear that she and he are getting married?" and I start acting funny. Most of the time I get sad, sometimes a little jealous, and, occasionally, a little crazy.

Case in point:

The other night, at my friend's graduation party, a few of us girls stayed after to watch Thor and Tangled. Both of these involve love stories, and I was feeling kind of wistful. So, in a Doritos-fueled fit of giggles, we—or maybe it was I—concocted a fairly sound plan to obtain a husband.

  1. Stake out pedestrian crossing, and wait for Handsome Pedestrian to cross.
  2. Hit Handsome Pedestrian with vehicle, then see if he needs CPR.
  3. If no CPR is required, hit Handsome Pedestrian with frying pan.
  4. Take Handsome Pedestrian home and tie to chair with hair.

Yep. Entirely foolproof.

Once again, I reminded myself that I am 20 years old, for crying out loud. Pretty sure I'm too old for this nonsense.

But, every once in a while, that hopeless romantic breaks out, leaving me giddy. Unfortunately, that's all she does. For all my jokes, daydreams, and moon-eyes, I never feel any less lonely. Most of the time, I feel worse.

And then the other day, while I was mulling this over, I remembered that I forgot to read my evening chapter of scripture. So I pulled out my Bible and flipped to my scheduled reading, Jeremiah 30. Honestly, none of it really stuck out to me until I got close to the chapter's end: 

"And ye shall be my people, and I will be your God." (Jeremiah 30:22)

And then I smiled. Like a Cheshire cat.

Because, basically, this means that even if my Mr. Darcy never shows up, and I die as an old maid with 27 cats, I still will not be alone.

I hate being alone. I have a fear of being left alone. And I'll bet most of you don't like it very much either.

But the wonderful thing is, God knows we don't like it, and has known this ever since He matched up Adam and Eve. So, in the middle of a prophecy (from the Weeping Prophet no less), He gives us a promise that will never be broken.

You are mine, and I am yours. No matter what life brings you, I love you, and you will never be alone.

Did you hear that? We don't have to play it solo. And while it isn't quite the same as having a boyfriend or husband, in a way, it's better. Jesus' love will never fail us. He cannot die, He will not lose his job, and He is always with us, so He is always watching over us.

So to all of you who are also in the same non-Love Boat with me today: do not feel alone. You're not.

First, you aren't the only single damsel out there, and second, you have Jesus. I will wager that He probably knows how we feel, because, frankly, He died without getting married. So far, none of us have reached that point, so there's probably still hope for us. Until then, use this time to grow closer in your walk with God and grow stronger in your faith.

And keep watching Pride and Prejudice. Specifically, this one. It will never get old.


  1. I am 23 years old and have been in 2-3 serious relationships (depending on how you count it.:)
    None worked out for one reason or another. The guys go on with their lives and I'm left trying to figure out what is wrong with me and how to fix it.

    The loneliness doesn't go away, but we can ignore it, focus on other things. I'm moving out, making art, about to start a college class in American Sign Language and building my own business in addition to working full time. Plenty there to think about and work on and I don't think I could survive otherwise.

    It is very tempting to "hook up" with some good looking guy that fills that void NOW...very tempting. But I know that it would only end in heartbreak and trouble. Just have to keep reminding myself of the type of man I want to marry and determine to not settle for less.

    1. Lady Abigail, I agree entirely. I've watched a friend of mine go through guy after guy, hungry for attention, and she almost ends up feeling hurt. So I've decided to avoid all the tears and wait for the right one to show up. And occupy myself until he does. Sounds like you have the same plan! Good luck with the ASL; I've studied that a bit, and I love signing songs. Thanks for your comment!

  2. Okay, so take this for what it's worth coming from a married 30 year old. There was a time when I was a completely single 20 year old. I celebrated my 21st birthday with no hurrah, practically alone except spending some time volunteering at a haunted house w/ my family--my bday is in October.

    One of the verses that helped me a lot was this:

    Matthew 6:33 "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

    I needed this verse because there were times in my singleness that I was seeking a guy more than I was seeking God...like that time when I was in the middle of a 2 year long unhealthy and abusive relationship. This verse was a reminder to me that God will give me what I need. Period. It's one I always go back to in every aspect of life.

    You are so right to wait for God's timing and His perfect will for you and not to try and rush the process or settle.

    1. "Seeking a guy more than I was seeking God." Exactly. That's what's been rolling around in my head the past few months when I've been writing this post. I knew I was letting guys become more important than my relationship with God, but now I'm beginning to focus more on God. I appreciate your "married 30-year-old" advice! :)

  3. Ok, we have the 20 and 30 something, now let me give you my perspective as a 40 yr. old single woman who has never been married. :) Do not worry. I know it is hard when everyone around you is getting married, I know it is hard when you have an uber romantic heart, but take it from me-- who went through a lot of meaningless relationships before I finally accepted Christ in my life: it is better to wait for the right man that God has picked for you, than taking matters into your own hands trying to find your Mr. Darcy and getting your heartbroken in the process.

    I always remember Ruth (post-hubby) and how God brought her the man she needed to bring out the best in her and fulfill His plan; the plan God (not Ruth) had for her.

    1. Oh while I do have a boyfriend now, it took God to make me open my eyes and realize that this man had been in front of me for a long time-- my friend of 15 years. But again, my eyes would not have been clear and my heart open had I not put it in God's hand. Just let go and LET GOD.

      Maria @ Bloom

    2. Maria, thank you for your encouraging words! What you and Crystal have said means a lot to me as a young woman. Everything you both have said I'm trying to impress on my mind now, so I don't make regrettable choices later. And I think it's wonderful that God's finally brought your special one to you. Blessings to you both!

  4. The comments above are mostly things I was thinking. When we walk with Christ we never walk alone. That being said (written), knowing how busy our Lord if you have a man in mind for me I pray you will join our paths" . I can say that my prayers were answered. My husband and I have been together 13 years now and I can think of no better person to be the keeper of my heart. I send you hugs and a reminder that He listens . Thank you for sharing at the Thursday Favorite Things blog hop xo

    1. Thank you for the hugs and reminder, Katherine! :) I appreciate the encouragement, and I'm taking it to heart! Thanks for making the blog hop available!

  5. I dated two guys before I got married. The first, I went on two dates with when I was 19, set up by a friend. Blech. The second guy is the one I married. We met when I was 19, started dating when I was 20, got married when I was 22.

    Do I regret spending twenty years of my life single? No. Do I regret marrying at 22, when so many people today are waiting until their 30s to get married? No. Is there a "right age" for people to get married? No.

    Is waiting for your future spouse to appear easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes. I was my husband's first kiss. (I had actually kissed that first guy I dated, on our second date, out of nineteen years of pent-up desire to just Be Kissed already! It was not a good kiss. We really never saw each other again.) We were each other's first loves. Our college friends sometimes laughed at us and said we were acting like high-schoolers. What we were actually acting like was two people who were experiencing romantic love for the first time and had never had our hearts broken previously, in high school, like our friends had. Perhaps that's part of why, having now been married for almost 12 years, we're still so very close, so in love, so happy.

    So what I'm saying is... good for you! Keep waiting, keep praying, keep believing. God has a plan, whether it has a husband for you in it or not.

    One of my best friends is getting married next month. She's 33. It just took that long for her prince to come.

    1. Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate that. It's nice to hear "backup" when I swear it seems like all I hear from my peers is "boys, men, preachers, marriage, babies, love, blah, blah, blah,..." And I'm just over here like, "Well, just graduated with my Bachelor's." I think I'll just keep plugging along until God sends me the right one. :-)

    2. Even though I longed to get married and be a stay-at-home mom, I also knew that I might have to support myself, either before I got married or else if my husband should tragically die young. So I got my BA too, and I'm so glad I did. I grew and matured so much by going to college.