Friday, April 8, 2016

A Breakup Letter

photo credit

{a guest post}
It’s not me, it’s you.

We’ve been on-again, off-again for quite a while now. For years you have told me that you’re the only one in this world who truly understands me, and I believed you--for a good portion of that time. You know the ins and outs of my heart, and can play my emotions like a fiddle.

At times, you’ve been the only one I could count on, and you knew this. You were someone I could turn to when I was all alone. More than an acquaintance, you were a part of me. You whispered in my ear in the evening, murmuring low enough that no one else could hear. You were the sharply dressed party guest that ran icy fingers down my neck and left me shivering. You’re the one who stared at me with prying eyes and caused me to pull bulky sweaters around my shoulders. You told me to live in shame of who I was and become who you wanted me to be. But that’s all changed now.

I will admit, I’ve lived with you in peace at times, enjoying the silence while it lasted. But suddenly I would hear your taunting voice echoing in my ears--and there you were, never gone so much as merely quiet, planning your attack with vicious precision.

You were a jealous lover, prying me from those I loved most. You told me I didn’t deserve any more attention that what you gave. You stole the breath from my lungs, and the innocence from my mind.

But in spite of that, I am here today, and I have something unexpected to say.

Thank you.

Thank you for the sleepless nights that taught me the sun always rises.

Thank you for the times you’ve flooded my mind with doubts, for through this, I have learned to prove what I believe.

Thank you for the queasy feeling that so often accompanied your return. It taught me that getting butterflies doesn't always mean love, and sometimes all you really need to cure infatuation is a good dose of Pepto Bismol.

Thank you for showing me myself through your eyes--in this I have learned to separate lies from truth.

Most of all, thank you for entering my life so I might better understand those around me. You tried to tell me that I was the only one, but I’m not surprised to learn of your affairs. I see the victims of your seduction nearly everyday, but I’ve found you out, and I intend to expose your lies to as many as I can.

I’m breaking up with you. I’ve decided to go out on my own. I don’t need you on my arm; I don’t need you to oversee my choices. I have made the decision to proceed with my life as the Lord and I see fit. And you are not a welcome part of this scenario.

I imagine I’ll still run into you at times. I’ll probably see you in passing, and I would be lying if I said it will never affect me. But you can’t rule me. You aren’t allowed to change my life. So thanks for the memories--even though they weren’t so great. I can't say that I will miss you.

Goodbye, Anxiety.

Emily is basically the polar opposite of Joanna, and the universe is still wondering why they are friends. While anxiously awaiting Captain America: Civil War, Emily stresses about her psychology grades and then destresses by writing for Ampersand Poetry. She thinks that humans could learn a lot from cats, and she loves Jesus more than anything else in the world.

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