Thursday, December 31, 2015

Fear-esolutions: 2015, Pt. 2

In a few hours, 2015 will be history and 2016 will be here for us to make our mark on it. Honestly, I've never been more ready to put a year behind me than I am this year. 2015 was...wild and crazy. Yeah. We'll stick with that. But at the same time, I'm grateful for everything this year has taught me, and I am a better person and a stronger Christian because of it. Some of you might remember this post from January 1st of this year. While some of these fears were silly, most of them were valid. So here's my follow up post to see how I did.

Fear #1 Going to dental school

Honestly, I almost failed at overcoming this one. I don't know if you're familiar with panic attacks, but I was introduced to them this year. Two weeks into the first semester, I was on the verge of my third attack in 2 days, and I didn't know what was happening, and nothing in my life was going right. So I decided to quit. I spent an hour explaining to my mother why I should do so. She let me talk, and then she explained all the reasons that it was a bad idea for me to quit, and told me that was my fear talking, not me. She asked me to do at least one semester. Of course, by the time I got that far, I didn't want to waste all my work so far. And on October 14th, I celebrated finishing along with 13 other girls.

Fear #2 Taking boards

Oh goodness. It was hard. I studied my butt off, and I still didn't feel prepared enough. The morning I took my test, I prayed and, more or less, told God that "I feel like this is what You want me to do. This is in Your hands now. If this is really what You want me to do, then You're gonna have to help me." It appears this was the right thing, because I passed. Fear = conquered.

Fear #3 Selling dental supplies

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Look, don't tell my classmates or teachers this, but I didn't sell a blooming thing. I didn't have time. It didn't affect my grades, but my homework did, so guess which one got done? Exactly. To be fair, I didn't necessarily participate in any of the special trips, so I wasn't "taking everyone else's money", or whatever. So I didn't conquer this fear, per se, but I did have to convince about 9 people to let me take X-rays on them, and that was a chore. So, I'm gonna say I conquered this one.

Fear #4 Working with and on strangers

It's funny how I can laugh at myself and shake my head now, because this seems so dumb. Working with strangers? Well, your classmates aren't strangers for very long, when you have to mess with each other's mouths. So we can check that off. Small talk in the operatory? More of a work in progress. I've learned to kinda feel the patient out, so to speak. Some people don't wanna make small talk, and that's perfectly fine. Others like to talk about the most random things, and that's cool, too. Overall, fear = basically conquered.

Fear #5 Moving out on my own

*snorts* Ha. My mother wishes I would move out. I pay rent. Does that count?? Seriously, though, I don't know what keeps me from being more independent. Maybe I'm codependent. *shrugs* I feel like investing rent into an apartment here in town would be a waste, I guess, because I don't want to stay in this area permanently. I'm hoping things in this area will change in 2016, so for now, I'll carry this fear over to my new list of fear-esolutions.

Fear #6 Getting a new job

God really blessed me in this one. I have a job now, but I wasn't even looking for one until after the new year. It was a little hard leaving my customer service job, but only because of the 3 years' worth of memories I had there. But every day I get to spend working with ortho kids is another day I don't have to get yelled at over an overdue bill. PRAISE the Lord, and fear = conquered.

Fear #7 Admitting my mistakes

God has really worked on me in this area this year. I can't really say a whole lot about it here, but Satan sure loves to hit you at your weakest, and it's really humbling (kinda humiliating, even) to 'fess up when you've done wrong. This "fear" is something I'm gonna keep working on in 2016.

Fear #8 Changing churches

Woooooowwwwwww this one was hard. Like I've said before, we had attended my former church for about 12 years, and it was so ingrained in me, that I felt like I was leaving part of myself there. I've finally learned, though, that in order to become a better person, and a stronger Christian, you have to leave your old self behind. Sadly, it took something very drastic for me to make the first step away, and it did take a bit for me to trust my new church, but I can say now that I am home. And it's wonderful. Fear = conquered.

Fear #9 Taking voice lessons

*sighs* Well, the voice teacher got kicked out of the music department of our community college, due to a petty staff disagreement, and she moved an hour away. So...maybe I'll do this one in 2016, too. Still mad about that whole deal.

Fear #10 Talking to guys

*mumbling under breath* I don't wanna talk about this. We have had some...interesting things this year in this area. Apparently, with my friends and family, they do not know how to introduce me to a guy, leave us to talk innocently, and maybe become friends. No, they prefer to single out a guy that looks compatible with me, tease me MERCILESSLY about him, and make faces at me when we're within 10 feet of him. All of which makes it entirely impossible for me to try to carry on a normal conversation with him once we're kinda sorta introduced. The result has been 3 rather stupid crushes, to be honest, that only make me ashamed of myself. (To be fair, I have made some jokes myself, but I had hoped at some point we could just all forget it and move on and act like humans.) I said all that to say that, no, I haven't conquered this fear, yes, it's still difficult for me to talk to guys (especially older than me), and, yes, this is DEFINITELY something to improve on in 2016. 

(This entire video is basically me.)

I know it's clichéd, but I'll say it anyways. I'm a very different person today than I was on January 1st, 2015. And that isn't an all bad thing. One thing I am most excited about is that I was finally able to structure my devotions, and my relationship with Jesus is sweeter than I ever imagined it could be.

With the last post, I said I had dubbed two "Brave" songs as my theme. This time, I don't know what my theme could be. I think I'll elaborate more on that in tomorrow's post. Have a happy and safe New Year's Eve, everybody. ;-)